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You what bothers my brain more than anything? Imperfection. You see, I can’t help by analyze the crap out of my brain. My brain is an analyzation machine. But have you ever stopped to think about why our brains are constantly doing this, ad infinitum? (I mean, probably you have and then analyzed why you did that, etc but I digress).
Well, surprise surprise, I have and do analyze why my brain analyzes. And the conclusion I have come up with is that my brain is trying to achieve total and all encompassing perfection and to root out any and all imperfections. As you can imagine, my brain is quite busy since literally everything is imperfect.Being the philosophical human that I am, I don’t necessarily agree with my brain’s objective. Mostly because I see it as completely futile. I mean, what even is perfection? Isn’t that an opinion anyway?
Listen, autistic people are not the inventors of the concept of perfection. It is also baked into our culture to some level, my brain just takes it to a literal level that is possibly more disturbing and life killing. Life killing? That sounds random and harsh. Is it? You see, my brain is diametrically opposed to life because the level of perfection my brain seeks is literally impossible to achieve and is contrary to what life offers. It’s kind of a sick joke in a way because life created a brain like mine but then didn’t provide the conditions in which a brain like mine would be satisfied.
So what to do?What I do is that I spend every day both humoring my brain a little bit like going on tangents and trying to achieve success and some level of perfection because it feels nice while also simultaneously keeping it under control and gently forcing myself to actually sit down and try to enjoy life sometimes. Is this the perfect life people make commercials showcasing? No, probably not but I can say that I do enjoy my life for the most part. And I try to pass on what I have learned navigating a brain like this for 3.5+ decades to others just in case it might help.
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