What I Have Learned As An Autistic Therapist

As an Autistic therapist who only serves Autistic clients, I get a unique vantage point due to having both direct personal experience of autism as well as seeing up close how autism affects other people. What I have learned from this is that none of my experiences are unique to me. When I feel anxious about something, more than likely some other Autistic people feel anxious about it too. When I experience profound imposter syndrome day in and day out, I am not the only one, countless other Autistic professionals experience it too. 

The best thing I’ve learned since joining the Autistic community is that I am never alone in my experience. All of the aspects of myself that I’ve hidden my whole life, especially the most painful, shame-filled ones, are actually the ones I have most in common with other Autistic folks. The more open I am about what I have kept deeply hidden, the more I am modeling how to release this shame and embrace ourselves for who we are. 

Ever since I decided to become a therapist, I have always held myself to impossible standards of what a therapist should be. A therapist should model what a good human life is, a therapist should be able to go to the store without anxiety, a therapist should understand social cues, etc… the list goes on. Of course, as an Autistic person, I was never set up to achieve this impossible set of standards. I can’t go out without some level of anxiety, I consistently don’t understand social cues, and living a “good” life is so subjective that I haven’t exactly figured out what that is yet. 

You see, my brain has difficulty with defining anything, much less what is a “good enough” therapist or a “good enough” life. I actually ponder these types of questions all day, every day. What is “enough” money, what is “enough” friendships, what is “enough” as a parent, have I advertised “enough”… Sometimes, I ponder why I ponder so much yet come up with very few solid conclusions. Perhaps it is the bottom up processing that my Autistic brain does that keeps me from coming up with a true decisive explanation for so many details and loose ends. I am not sure.

One thing I do know is that, despite my uncertainty about just about everything, I ultimately believe that showing up as my true self is what makes me a “good” therapist. I don’t pretend to be someone I am not, I am raw, I am unmasked, I am awkward, and Autistic. The more I accept this about myself, the more I model what it is like to accept ourselves as the imperfect, Autistic humans that we are.