Pre-birth meeting with the universe

Real transcript of my pre-birth meeting with the universe

Universe: Hello. This meeting is just a quick orientation. You won’t remember anything after you are born but corporate has told us that we still need to have this meeting.

Me: Uh, ok.

Universe: Well, anyway. Here is an overview of your operating system. It is located in your brain which is in your skull. Any questions?

Me: Um, what does PDA AuDHD mean?

Universe: Oh, yeah. Well, see you are being born with kind of a unique brain. You are winning the lottery! I mean, well, not really but you will be a little different than most people.

Me: What is this type of brain like?

Universe: Well, you see most people are “neurotypical”. And neurotypicals differ from the brain version PDA AuDHD in many ways. For one, PDA means you will have a persistent demand for autonomy. In fact, any threat to your autonomy will feel like a threat to your very existence.

Me: Oh wow. Will society give me a lot of autonomy, then?

Universe: Not at all. You will be born in the 80’s and late stage capitalism will already be underway. Society will be looking to get you to work for a corporation or some other autonomy crushing entity. It will be hard to escape this.

Me: Oh. Won’t I have a difficult time then?

Universe: Yeah, probably.

Me: What is AuDHD then?

Universe: It means you are autistic and also ADHD. That can show up in a lot of ways but for you that will mean you need order, routine, and predictability and ADHD will constantly be undermining that.

Me: So how is this like winning the lottery??

Universe: Well, you’ll have awesome pattern recognition skills. And your sensitivity will be off the chain, you’ll notice any incongruencies in life and solve problems before they even happen.

Me: Will I learn how to manage this type of brain starting from birth?

Universe: Oh no. You won’t know you have this type of brain until you are in your 30’s.

Me: Then how will I be able to handle all of this complexity without knowing what it is?

Universe: You will just think you’re crazy and use substances and dissociation to cope.

Me: Dang.

Universe: Yeah. Anyways, our time is up. Good luck!