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I recently made a video on TikTok where I spoke about my experience as an Autistic person feeling like a cactus in a world that only wants roses. Some people commented saying they preferred the symbol of a cactus vs a puzzle piece to explain their autistic experience. I have to admit, I prefer the symbol of a cactus vs a puzzle piece to explain my experience too.
I resonate with a cactus, the need for spikes to protect itself because in reality, it is quite soft. That is me. I am the softest person in the world but I can’t survive like that. I had to protect myself, which has had a high but necessary cost. My spikes hurt me too sometimes. They sometimes poke the people I love the most. Yet, I cannot live without them to some degree. I cannot live as a rose, because I’m not a rose, I am a squishy cactus that had to grow spikes and I cannot hide how I am different.
I also relate to the late-blooming nature of the saguaro cactus in particular, how it blooms only once it reaches maturity at around 35 years old, the age I currently am.It took me 35 years of hiding who I was to finally learn that I was Autistic all along. That knowledge was the catalst for the most change I have ever experienced.
And now I get to learn all about how to care for myself as an Autistic person, just as a cactus requires totally different care than a rose, I too need totally different care than an non-autistic person. I don’t pathologize my spikes or my spongey insides that require so much protecting. Cacti are beautiful, just as they are.
We are beautiful just as we are. The most important thing is that we recognize our beauty, our value, and stop comparing ourselves to roses. We will never be roses. That’s ok. If given the right care, we bloom too. Maybe a little later, maybe only at night, maybe a little different than a rose. And that’s ok. I would hate to live in a world of just roses anyway.
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