AuDHD & Morbid Curiosity

**This information is solely based on my personal and clinical experience. This does not represent diagnostic criteria of any kind.**

I recently posted a video about how information is therapeutic for many autistic people. We NEED to know. And that need can be relentless. My brain is an analysis machine and the emotional pull a topic has, the more my brain wants to turn it over and examine it inch by inch.

This need for information includes the morbid and the unthinkable. Whatever horrible thing your brain has just thought up when reading that sentence, I bet my brain has been there before. My brain is constantly running through horrible scenarios of what could happen if xyz occurs or if a gruesome thing did occur, my brain will imagine all the gory details. I wouldn’t say it’s an enjoyable experience but it doesn’t freak me out anymore. I used to think having a brain that wallows in the depths of the unthinkable was a sign of insanity. Now I know I just have a run of the mill AuDHD brain that’s just doing it’s thing.

When you have an AuDHD brain, you have a problem finding machine. Your brain will find problems everywhere and then go 10-20 steps ahead to understand what various scenarios could occur and how gruesome they could be. Your brain will also go 10-20 steps back to understand the genesis of the problem and all the different potential scenarios that caused it.

Sometimes we can harness this type of brain and make it anticipate or solve important problems. Most of the time, our brains just run wild analyzing just random stuff in our range of perception. One theory I have for why our brains do this is due to our obsession with information. On some level, our brains believe that if we thoroughly analyze our world and all the various details (including the unconscionable), we will be more prepared for the evitable tragedies of life. In essence, we see digesting information as a way to take the edge off of a life that is unpredictable and dangerous. If I can imagine the multiple gruesome ways I can be maimed, perhaps I won’t be as shocked when it happens and it’ll be a bit easier.